Changes

Title: Changes
Fandom: Kingdom Hearts
Timeline: Post KH2
Characters: Sora, Selphie
Summary: People change; the question is - how much?
Notes: Selphie's POV.

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I've often heard it said that a person's first kiss is one of the most important, meaningful and precious moments in that person's life. I know of too many people that would disagree with that. Not me though; I can totally relate.
Giving your lips for the first time to someone, in a way you never did to anyone else, for the sole purpose of sharing one of the most intimate forms of contact possible between two people...
I've often heard it said I'm an overly romantic person; I can relate to that too.

I suppose you can say that's why I'm so happy my first kiss happened the way it did. I'm pretty sure it was his first kiss too, so you can imagine how happy I am about this, even though in the end, nothing came out of it.
Oh, don't give me that look. I'm a hopeless romantic, that much I know; it's all but a source of pride for me, after all.
That hardly means that I can't be realistic when the need arises. Despite common belief, the two aren't contradictory... or so I like to believe.
The guy I like, you see, is kind of an odd bird. You know, the guy everyone likes, making for him to be ridiculously popular, but he's all but clueless about it, which only makes people like him more? Yeah, that type. To top it all, he's pretty well heighted, not shorter than a girl, but he doesn't tower over you like a certain best friend of his does.
He has that nice tan that sets him apart from the rest just enough to be noticed but hardly enough to stick out, and a mane of brown spikes that lately began to grow out of control.
I like it like that though; it frames his face nicely and when his bangs don't cover them up, they really make his eyes stand out, almost to the point of glowing. It certainly helps how his face retained that boyish charm, yet was still refined enough by puberty so he'd end up nothing less than dead gorgeous. I let myself say that and not something girly like 'beautiful' because I also saw him shirtless, but that's straying from the point so I won't go there.

The story of my first kiss took place several months ago. I guess we were both odd cases of late bloomers, but you won't hear me complaining.
Anyway, it was that time of the year where the school had to be cleaned, and thus people were sold into slavery of a sort. My job was to help clean the school's roof and I accepted my class representative's decision and went off to perform my civil duties.
Looking back at it now, I should've expected to see him there. The task of cleaning required people from all grades at school, even one or two years ahead of me - and his class representative was Kairi.
She never skipped a chance to ask things of him, and he never once denied her requests, just because he's like that.
I guess I realized as much back then too, because when he noticed me and greeted me with one of his typical smiles, I could only smile back and wave at him.

"Sora!"

"Selphie."

And that was how the longest period of time in which we were to be alone together came to be.
See, there was a kitty hiding on the roof, behind the tiny room of a sort that covered the top of the stairs leading down. He was mewling and pawing at the air and seemed to be in a lot of pain.
Now here's a shocker for you - I wasn't the one that stalled next to him; heck, I didn't even notice him at first.
Sora did.

We were done and supposed to head on down but I realized he was missing and found him there, trying to lure the kitty cat out of its hiding place so we could take care of it.
By the time I went back to call for one of the teachers, though, I found the roof empty, and the door leading downstairs - locked.

They left us behind.

I really didn't know what to tell him when he came back, the cat licking its paw idly as he rested in his arms, obviously satisfied with the scratch mark he left on Sora's cheek.
Good thing I had a clean handkerchief in my pocket that day; changed the one I keep in my pocket that very morning.

"We're locked up?" He asked with his eyes set intently on the door. I could only nod in return, feeling somewhat helpless.

"Looks like it."

He placed the cat down and turned to inspect the door as well, leaving me to follow the kitty around. The oddest part of it was that I could've sworn he was hurt earlier; the cutey was walking around just fine suddenly...

That train of thought didn't last though as Sora sneezed then, and I was left to realize how - kitty aside - it was just me, him, and absolutely no way out of the roof.

It was the golden chance I've been looking forward to for almost as long as I've known him, but to this very day I still don't know what got into me to make me not only open my mouth -

"You know-"

But also say what I said.

"I really wouldn't mind if they didn't come for us for a while."

"Really?" He asked, and I told myself he was mostly amused rather than surprised. We did know each other for a while, you know - a day or two or three or almost all our lives.  That was why I knew that that "really" also contained a "lol, why?" in it. He felt the same; the amusement in his voice said as much.
It didn't mean he shared my reasons for it, though.

"Really", I replied at first and let out a dreamy sigh I regretted. I didn't like being teased about that kind of things. "Because-"

And then I remembered this was neither Tidus nor Wakka that was up there with me, and I knew I was being silly.

"Because the sunset looks really pretty from up here."

I shrugged off the sound of a door closing behind me as something that was carried over by the wind before concentrating on the approaching sound of footsteps.

"Guess you've got a point there..." He hummed as he went past me, one hand in his pocket while the other ran through his hair. He reached it from there to the fence surrounding the roof. "You do get a good view of the ocean from here, and get to see how everything changes colors..."

I couldn't help the devilish grin. "You're such a sap."

He closed his eyes, cheeks painting lightly. "I don't wanna hear it from you."

I couldn't help but laugh at that, and he, knowing better than to take it the wrong way, smiled and laughed back.
The silence that fell later was rather a comfortable one as we both simply settled on watching the town we've both lived all our lives in as the sun sank lower over the horizon. It was somewhat endearing, really, yet I realized as I glanced up at him that he might not share my reasons for thinking that way. You see, he was watching the scenery with something akin to remorse and longing, and I suddenly felt every day in the years that set us apart weigh down on me.

I have honestly never seen him looking so distant... so forlorn... or so beautiful.

I don't think my heart ever sped up this rapidly, either.

"You know-" I heard myself all but mutter and turned away just as he turned to look back at me. "Standing here like this... kind of reminds me of the sunsets we'd all watch together when we were younger."

"We're not that old, you know." He offered lightly and I sighed in relief at the amusement in his voice. "And it is the same sunset... same sun, same world..."

"Same us." I let myself squeak once he was officially stalling. I wasn't really surprised by the lack of shock that crossed his face; what I wasn't prepared for though was the disbelief.

"Are we?" He asked almost mockingly, earning himself the best pout I had on hand.

"Aren't we?!" I huffed back, and the touch of a frown settled over his features as he looked away.

"I don't know." He half whispered, and I scrunched my nose.

"Oh, c'mon, I thought being the Queen of teen-angst drama was Riku's job."

He laughed; that meant - as tiny as it was - a smile.

Progress.

I offered him the best smile I had in return.

"We're the same. Sure, we've gotten taller-" Especially him- "And we sound a bit different-" I like how his voice sounds now- "And we might look a little bit different, but-"
I had to gulp; I was looking away, but he was looking at me so intently that I felt it regardless.
"-but I like the same foods I liked back then; I still wear a lot of yellow; I still use the same toothpaste-" Shut up. "And I still dislike the subjects in school I did back then. I still hang out with Tidus, and Wakka, and Kairi, and-" I prayed my voice would only falter as much as it did and not more. "-and now that you're back, Riku and you." I know my voice was warmer; I don't need to be told.

"I'm different, sure. Things change, nothing stays the same... least of all people. Kairi's different. Riku's different... You're different. But..."

I saw it in his eyes then - he wanted to deadpan me, wanted so badly to go 'ah, but you just said otherwise!', wanted so bad to have me be wrong. He remained silent, though, and simply waited until I continued. I can't blame him now, I realize, and know exactly why I couldn't back then either. No matter how much he wanted me to be wrong-

"You're still you."

He needed me to be right.

"Underneath the added height, and the different voice, and the lack of baby fat..." I half snickered lamely at myself; it let me say what I had to say next a little bit more easily, even if I still looked away with hunched shoulders all the same.

"You're still... the same boy I've adored since childhood."

I dared not look at him for the longest time. I don't even know why. To believe I've said it; to let him believe I said it... to believe in it, as stupid as it might sound. I've waited, and waited, but alas - the cynical, humorous response failed to come. I expected to find him snickering, snorting... indifferent even. As it was, I managed to look in time to find him still staring at me, his eyes filled with something that went far beyond doubt; it was denial. He was denying the fact I might just not be completely out of my mind.

He recovered and turned away in time to only let me see one tear manage to slide down his cheek.
Shock didn't even begin to cover it. You see -
It was the first time in my life I've seen Sora cry.
I'll be honest - I panicked.

"Sora...?" I realized I was squeaking as I reached for his arm; I didn't rightly care. "Sora... c'mon, what..." This wasn't right. "I didn't say anything that weird, did I? Ne..." Oh, to hell with it all.
"This isn't how you respond to a confession!"
I was beyond pleading, halfway to begging and with a fully flushed face, but it earned me half a glance.

Progress. I went on.

"I said something bad."

"You didn't." He tried replying, but it hurt. His subdued voice, just... hurt.

"Then look at me!" I exclaimed and tugged at his arm again. This time, he let himself be pulled until he turned to face me - for the most part. He still looked away, his tear tainted cheek being what I got to look at instead of his turned away, narrowed eyes.

I hated it... hated him looking so miserable, so torn... and I hated myself for being the person who unknowingly brought him to it.

"I did... I sai. something horrible..." I mewled, and he shut his eyes almost as though in pain.

"I just said you didn't-"

"Then stop looking like you're about to jump off!"

He shook his head and reached his free hand to pinch the bridge of his nose. "Stop panicking over it." He half hissed and pulled at his nose. I couldn't help but growl back.

"Fine... fine! Just forget about it, ok! Forget I ever said anything."

That only seemed to make it worse, if only because of his smile.

"Forgetting things... isn't half as easy as people think it is."

I've rarely felt this frustrated before.

"Well, fine!" I huffed and stomped my foot down. "Then I take it back. I do!"

He pursed his lips and I realized what I've said - a moment far, far too late.

"See?" He asked, sounding even more hurt than before - otherwise, he never would've forced his smile into his voice. "You just said-"

"I didn't say that!" I argued and managed finally to look up at him - I was that desperate. "You're you! No other way around it! You can't just stop being someone! Who... who else would you be?!"

"Who, really..." He asked, and it was obvious - he had no idea. Worse yet was the doubt, present - and for not some any silly 'what if' situation. This was the real here and now he was asking about - uncertain about. Right now...

"I'll tell you then!" I don't know what bothered me more - the fact I actually went there - or the fact it took me that long to do so. "Isn't that the point of not being alone? To not need to know..." I didn't have time to wipe away my tears as they started to gather. "Being at the place where everyone knows your name, being with the people who call you by it... isn't that enough?!"

He remained there unmoving for all but an eternity, his eyes half hidden behind his spiky bangs.

"Maybe..."

...progress.

"I'll make it enough." I managed to choke out, and he reacted. There was a tiny gasp and half a stare and in his defense he did try to hide it behind an ever smaller snicker - but it was there.

"C'mon, you-"

"I will." I repeated, not quite letting him off the hook, despite the urge to sniffle - which I eventually did. "I'll say it again and again - call out your name as often and as loudly as I can until you'd wish you were anyone else."

He had nothing to say to that. I, on the other hand was just beginning.

"Sora." I tried, trying to estimate his reaction. He seemed... shocked.

"So-ra." Again, and he looked away.

"Sora!" I half demanded; he shook his head.

"...Sora..." I got a bit hesitant, and he let himself glance at me as a result. I couldn't help feeling thankful.

"Sora-" I knew how desperate I must've sounded with every time that word left my mouth. "Sora-" I wanted him to stop looking like that -
"Sora-" So lost.

"Sora!"

"Selphie!" He yelled back and reached to hold the sides of my face, as though if he'd glare at me directly enough, I'll stop.

It should've hurt, probably; it didn't. Not even when he held on a bit tighter in shock. You see, I really... couldn't hold anything back anymore. Not the tears, nor the shivers... least of all the smile as I brought my hands to rest over his.

"See? I don't have to know who I am either now... because... you know my name, know... who I am..." It came out as a coo that made him look ever so much sadder. I should've known - he leaned ever so close...

"Selphie..." He repeated in a whisper, yet even with the surge of 'happy' that ran through me at him wiping my tears with his thumbs, I never ever could've hoped to anticipate what was to come next.

"The girl who adored me..."
I couldn't believe it when he pulled closer still.
"Since I've known her..."

And then he did what I've barely let myself dream about - and closed the distance.

~*~

By the time Riku and Kairi came out through the door to look for us, my cheeks managed to cool off somewhat as I let myself stare out at the town. He on his part was sitting down with his back pressed against the fence and playing with the then appointed Mr. Snuggle-Muffin II. I didn't have much of a mind to listen to the exchange that ensued.

Riku teased Sora; Kairi did too. Sora tried retaliating not even half heartedly...

And that was when Kairi checked up on me. One glance at me was enough to send both her and Riku at Sora's throat. Made me cry, she said; went too far, was insensitive. Lost touch with tact, Riku tried, albeit in a half teasing manner, as though he was only in it because Kairi started it first. Sora on his part stood there quietly, even when he was demanded an answer from.

What could he say that wouldn't let out too much? When it came down to it, ironically enough, the person who was hurt more here was...

"I-"

"Leave him alone." I heard myself say as though from afar, yet it made all three fall dead silent. I turned to find them staring at me, but not before I sniffled properly and wiped my cheeks again. "It's not Sora's fault."

She looked at him rather oddly before turning back to me. "...then you just suddenly..."

"Not suddenly, but..."

I understood then - the charm of his smile. It took so much to pull one off without wanting to do so.

"C'mon, Kairi, you know the only girl Sora would intentionally bring to tears would be the girl he loves."

I saw his tanned cheeks gaining a pinkish hue, and as she turned to look away, it clicked, then at first and even more so later when I heard that oddly enough -
The door wasn't locked, and we were in fact free to leave whenever we wanted to... Only we didn't.

"If you say so. I... wouldn't know."

She was jealous.

I didn't really see the point though, not then as we left the school in relative silence that pressed us all down underneath Sora and Riku's somewhat cheerful banter, and least of all now, months afterwards. I mean...

Nothing ever came out of it.

I'd like to say it wasn't because I wasn't into it and it was all his fault, but - maybe I really wasn't into it. It wasn't exactly the most romantic conversation topic, or the best of moods. We were both distressed and in tears, and I'm not even sure anymore who went along with it for the other's sake more.
True, it was tender, and gentle, and warm, and I never pushed forward, while all along never pulling back. It lasted for all but a tiny forever, bathed in the light of the sunset - that most important, meaningful and precious moment I will no doubt carry with me until my memory's rotting away. I gave my lips to the person I cared for, after all, for the first time for the sole purpose of sharing something intimate, unique, and just between the both of us.

It doesn't matter, nor did it ever, that this person seemingly so much closer to me now never really meant to say 'I love you'. I didn't expect it, really - I probably never really wanted him to say it, either.
He did, however, with his entirety, honestly offered me from the bottom of his heart - a 'Thank you'.
I don't need to say 'you're welcome' - all I am to do is treasure the knowledge that I'll never think back on it with regret -

The moment of my first kiss.

I'd like to think he doesn't either, and I know just a little bit that I'm right - every time he calls my name.